Darkness. Heart of Darkness. Nearly bought a ticket tonight for KTM. Still might, but why? What am I running from? My fears, the next phase. Whoring myself for others. Waiting. But why worry? God will do what is right. He sees me. I can trust Him. There is no reason to be afraid. He promised me. I'm trying to remember that day. His voice, the Universe.Read More
Bad habits. Late night, overslept and groggy.
Time has gone too fast. The day is ending. A
girl screams outside. Birds chirping. They are
happy. Dust floats in the air. The little white
specks. Little angels. They have calmed me.
They have made me better. There is a bit of
clarity, a bit of quiet, a bit of peace. Silence.
A cross. Slowly now, a heart of iron crucified.
Police, parking, lights. Is this seat open? In
the corner in a bar without a sign. A house,
The Lost Leaf, waiting, pint of That. Drink, old
Mariners' hat. Art District. It fit his head, cost
only two dollars. Pretty girl with a boyfriend,
staring. Paintings in windows and a live jazz
band playing. Sax, guitar, some percussion.
Musicians, naked. Green shoes, sunglasses.
Sheer joy. Yes, a good day. Writing. Starting
again, the easiest edit. Natural. Grace and a
girl named Victoria. Day fades away. Words
come and the flow feels right. Pages. Many
more pages, forward in the holy city of lights.
Kashi and Ganesha, prayers and a floating
lamp. Diya. Memories. Characters, an unreal
life better than my own. Magic and mystery.
You’re missing life are the words I hear. It’s
probably true. The day gone by and a long
nap. Socks, shoes, underwear. No laundry,
sometime. A light stench and heaviness. I’m
in a void not quite despair. Tired. Unsure, a
bit afraid of what’s to come. Searching, but
knowing that no search is real. Waiting, time
will tell. Why, drowned in this life, I still feel.
Arizona. Centered now. Wind, the stagnancy
is gone. The lake is moving. Things seem to
be alive, not dead. The writing is stuck, but
all else carries on. Everything feels okay. The
heat is gone. Water, trees, fake green grass.
Pavement and lamps. Metal chairs and blue
sky. Starry mountains, quail nesting above.
Spring in the desert. Even here there’s love.
Breeze. Thoughts of identity. Palms in wind.
Slow bicycle, flat tires. Flashlight. Jogger. A
big loop. Crickets. Dogs. A black lake, a soft
light. Reflections quivering. White fence and
an inbound plane from Chicago. A walk off
single, Dodgers win. Entertainment. Time is
slipping. Big Dipper above, flashing. Airplane
and a pool. Warmth. IPA and a red Dixie cup.
Blurred vision and flawed introspection. The
land is unknown. The people are strangers.
Days stagnant. Heat filled with gnats. Time
dripping slowly. Sexuality. Nights of a flawed
silence. Two pillows and a blanket. No sheet
and deep sleep. Bared feet and a fan. What
sadness? A test of patience. Space between,
desire and fruition. A life shallow and sordid.
The surface of the ocean, flowing. Rolling,
and in the middle a paddle boarder. Waves
crashing at the shore. Two pigeons and the
flap of their wings. Change. Constantly the
world moves, things come to life and sing.
What song? Existence, being. For how long
does it go on? This movement. This flow. To
what end is it all destined; pulled and drawn?
What end to another chapter? Pacific Ocean,
with its waves crashing. Sea lions, miniature
birds. Helicopter on the horizon. So far away.
Our shore’s edge. Its cold breeze, its water
frothy soft. Sea foam white and yellow light.
Two more helicopters, the sound of distance,
and one alone. Echoes in the chamber of my
heart. Mother by my side, orange setting sun.
Chicken, rice. Sleepy, sun. Empty plate and
deep blue sea. Light wind, a wobbly sound.
Squeaky umbrella above. Glass. Airplane in
the sky. Waves crashing. Shimmery surface.
Distant horizon, its reflection far away. Little
flyer, purple flower shaking. Phone ringing.
Brown shingle, white transparency. Another
wave building. Another bird and open wings.
Grass. Pillow and perspective. A white chair
upside down, empty beside me. Wind in the
leaves. Birds chirping. Sun in my eyes and
warmth. Strangers passing by. Skateboard
and bandanna. Steps. Sky. White and green.
Eyes closed, can't write. Dreaming of love,
dreaming of a lover. A bird insight. Landing.
Two birds take flight, now chirping together.
Entering, coming to a stop. Magenta. Man
on his phone. Picture, a blurry train. Take
two. Sunglasses, a child waving. Mother.
Pine needles, glass reflections. San Juan
Capistrano. Blue sky. Palm trees cut in half.
The man and his suitcase, searching. What
seat. Forward. Forward. Forward, this heart
rolls from side to side. Tracks, piano, silence.